One day, Etcetera came up to me and put her sweet face down on my lap. “Dad, tell me about Mommy.” I said, “Honey, I wish I could, but since you were never born, and thus do not exist, I wouldn’t know how.” Then, seeing the tenacity in her eyes — so much like her mother’s — I yielded and let out a long sigh of resignation. “She looked just like you,” I started. “She had round cheeks, just like you, and long, dark, fine-braided hair wrapped around her head, like yours.” While stroking her soft hair, I raised my head and looked into the distance.
Etcetera was only one of the ten or fifteen children I imagine I would have had if I had married Axia Yiruo. The rest of the bunch were called the First, the Second, Meow, Bow-wow, all the way to the last — Etcetera, the youngest.
Axia Yiruo, my love, I don’t know what happiness means, but if I had stayed with you — had spent my life with you rather than doing what I actually ended up doing, wandering the mondo, if you could call it that, and for nothing — I’d have achieved happiness, lived well and fared well, as they say, with the ten or fifteen children you’d have borne me, all of them carrying your likeness.
Someday, I’ll rise and go look you up. I’ll search heaven and earth until I find you, and when I do, I’ll hang my head low and ask for your forgiveness. Then I will see with my own eyes that you have waited for me all these years, and that although your once dark hair has gone gray, you remain the Axia Yiruo I always remembered — and that you had no children other than the ten we had in my imagination: the First, the Second, Meow, Bow-wow, … and Etcetera.
有一天，如此等等走到我面前，把她的小脸贴在我腿上。
“爸爸，跟我讲讲妈妈的故事吧。”
我说：“宝贝，我倒是真想给你讲，可是既然你从未出生、也因此不存在，我实在不知道从哪里说起。”
我这么说着，就见小人眼中那股倔强劲儿——怎么那么像她妈——我就屈服了，长长叹口气，说：“她和你长得一模一样，也是一张圆圆的脸，满头细软的黑发，编成一根长辫子，一圈圈绕在头上。”
我一边抚摸她柔软的头发，一边抬起头，看向远方。
如此等等只是我幻想中与阿霞依婼结婚后，会拥有的十来个孩子中的一个，分别取名叫老大、老二、瞄兮、汪汪、石喃喃、好玩矣 … 一直排到最后，也是最小的一个——懒得去想了，就随便给了个名字，叫“如此等等”，全名叫“阿霞·如此等等。”
阿霞依婼，我的爱，我不知道幸福究竟是什么。但如果我当初留在你身边，把一生都与你一起度过——而不是像后来那样，四处乱走，说是“游历天下”，其实也不知图个啥——我觉得那就是幸福，就是活得安稳，就是像亚力士多德说的那样，τὸ εὖ ζῆν καὶ τὸ εὖ πράττειν；与你生下十来个娃儿，个个都长得是你的样子，图画一样，过年贴在门上。
总有一天，我会振作起来，去把你找回来。我要踏遍天涯海角，直到找到你。找不到，就去百度一下，众里寻她千百度。百度完了，蓦然回首，看见那个小不点儿如此等等，长得跟她妈一样，在墙郭落那里站嘚，眼中是那股子倔强劲儿。
等我找到你，我就低下头，请你宽恕我。要是不饶人，就请你去看电影，站在电杆顶端修电线。到那时，我就亲眼看到，你这些年一直在等我；尽管你当年的乌发，如今已经斑白，但你仍是我记忆中的那个阿霞依婼——而且你膝下没有别的孩子，只有在我想象中我们共同拥有的那十个：老大、老二、瞄兮、汪汪、石喃喃、好玩矣 … 如此等等。
Yego’s Chronicles 